Happy To Be Happy.

Although we are all looking for lasting happiness and peace, our lives are full of loss, disappointments, tension, illness, and confusion. Often we try to find happiness through avoiding challenging situations or trying to create a "perfect" world for ourselves where nothing is diturbing or unpleasant. Or we try to satisfy all our desires - more things, more achievements, more experiences.

Though "perfect" life, for me, doesn't really exist, but i still do believe in "contented and happy" life. And I must say, I am now very happy to be happy again. Finally, I've found the 'self-contentment' I've been looking for. But I have also learned a lot from the different experiences and struggles I had.

I have basically learned that there is a difference between pleasure and happiness and that no matter how much we acquire, we cannot escape the possibility of loss. Our lives will always be a blend of the delightful and the challenging, the pleasant and the unpleasant, flattering and disturbing encounters, health and sickness.

So, expect the unexpected. Life is like a chocolate box, you don't know what you're gonna get next. =)

Something To Ponder.

"You lurk in the darkness of my imagination. Haunting my sanity from the core. Breathing courage from the scars that you left me. Smiling from every bruise you have inflicted upon me. But from every masochistic urge lies an assurance - the sweetest downfall of my life - that life is worth living despite. Get up and move on." -SMS from a friend

What the?! LOL. I was watching LOST (DVD) when I received this message. I had to pause the player and read this message again. I read it twice. Bull's eye! It did hit me.

I just got up from the fall I had. And I'm moving on now. From this experience I have now, I have learned a lot. And I'm pretty sure these lessons can help me grow to be a more progressive and mature individual.

The scars and bruises. They will always be with me and only time can erase them away. We may often think that scars and bruises are there to remind us how much pain they have caused us. But nonetheless, don't you think they're there to remind us how great we loved them before?

The sweetest downfall of my life, indeed. Life can never be more cruel to you than breaking you down through the love you both had for each other.

Isn't it pretty ironic that the person who taught me how to love is the exact person who doesn't even know what love is.

And another ironic thing in love that I've learned, how can someone so weak give strength to my life?!

Gee. I don't even know how to answer my questions?! I really learned a lot from this demise experience. One thing is for sure, life is full or irony. And much with LOVE.

At This Very Moment.

(1) I want to learn ADOBE PHOTOSHOP and all its techniques and tactics

These past few days, I'v been busy 'blog hopping'. And I must give a bow to the bloggers who have extensively made their blogs so amazing. Whew! I admit, I am a self-proclaimed coder but I haven't extended my skills as far as doing lay-outs and templates in Adobe. Ugh! I wanna have a crash course in learning Adobe. Can anyone help me? Puh-lease!

(2) I want to have a new Digital Camera of my own (with high resolution - about 6-10 megapixels will do)

I need to have a digi cam. I am so sick of taking pictures from my cellphone (1.3 MP only!) then transfer them all to my computer. And whenever I post pictures here in my blog or wherever, I need to keep them small in size. As of the moment, I am using my granny's Casio Digital Camera since she is just keeping it in her dresser and uses it infrequently. The digi cam's physical feature makes it so cool and handy. A little bigger than a credit card in size and about one third of an inch in width. It is very user-friendly. It comes with a cradle where you can let the cam sit and connect the cradle to the computer through USB. And also, you can charge the cam through its own adaptor or through the computer. It's physical features are too perfect but the only problem is that it's resolution is only 2.0 Mega Pixels. A little bit higher than my phone though, but sometimes, pictures from my phone are better than those from the digi cam.

But I am not complaining. I just borrowed the cam and I don't have the right to complain at all. =)

(3) I am very excited about the JAVA MOBILE seminar

Ma'am Chuchi, our professor, will be conducting a free one-day seminar about Mobile Java Programming. Only few students are given the privilege to attend the said seminar and I'm proud to say that I am one of those 'few students'. The Mobile Java Programming Seminar will give us an idea on how to make programs/applications (e.g. Java games) on our cellphone using Java, of course. I am so excited about this. There is no exact date yet on when the seminar will be and where it will take place but I am pretty sure that Ma'am Chuchi will do her best to push through this seminar.

(4) I want to eat Pizza, Carbonara and Nacho & Fries Overload

I've been craving for Neva's Pizza and Carbonara and Jollibee's Nacho & Fries Overload since yesterday! Ugh. I wanna eat 'em all. I was planning to go to Neva's yesterday but no one wants to come with me. Gail was having her duty at the CC and I couldn't find Gen yesterday afternoon. I don't wanna go there and eat alone because if I do, I'll be making my life so redundant. Eating alone?! Forget it.

(5) I owe Nikka a big pack of Lays

I can't believe I promised her a big pack of Lays. Stupid me. I begged her to open her oiginal-flavored Lays last week so I can have some and I promised to buy her another pack this week. My gosh. I hat me when my stupidity attacks!

(6) I need to give Danks a testimonial on friendster

Danks has been bugging me for a testimonial on friendster since the day we, in lay man's term, 'became friends' on friendster. I admit, he is starting to annoy me. So for him to shut his mouth up, I'll make one for him today. But I don't know what to say on that testmonial. I don't wanna say something like, "Danks has been annoying me for a testi so here it goes.. Blah.. Blah.. Blah.."

So, is anyone available in helping me learn Adobe?! Any volunteers? Do I hear a "me!"? Lol. I am so desperate. I really wanna learn Adobe! So if you have the knowledge, please share it with me. If you don't have, then please help me find someone who could help us learn it. =0

Is anyone available maybe tomorrow afternoon? Let's go to Neva's, then after, Jollibee. Please accompany me to my journey in proving to myself that there is nothing better than eating your favorite foods when you are depressed. =)

And lastly, if you have all the gees in the world and you don't know how to spend it right, please donate a digital camera to me. Lol. The digi cam will help me improve my enthusiasm in photography. And I promise you, soon if I have the cam, I can surely make money out of my hobby and interest in photography and I swear to the Holy Goat that I will return your money soon.

If you have what it takes, please save a soul. Please save me.

LOL! (-_-)

Why Blogspot?

Someone asked me why I stopped blogging on my friendster blogsite. I told him that aside from the fact that I am avoiding someone who has been reading and spying me through my friendster blogsite, I got too busy in taking care of my friendster profile. Stupid me. But really! I got too busy tracking who has viewed my profile in friendster. Isn't it nice to update your profile every now and then because you have tracked about 200+ viewers?!

But then I found myself longing for something. I realized that I really cannot put away my 'blogger side'. Naks! =)

So I (re)opened my home in i.ph where I jotted down emotions. Yes, I have to admit that I have been "emotionally pressured" for the past few months. Having an outlet is really important for me. If I had no outlet then, people around me would have to deal with my emotional outbursts. And I don't want that to happen, because I become a monster whenever I feel emotionally pressured. Or even more than that.

Anyway, why did I choose 'blogspot'?! It is because I am a coder. I really miss coding a lot. Haha.

And I realized that maybe it's now time to have something online again. =)

Forget. Forgot. Forgotten.

Right now, I am somewhere between convincing myself to stop this feelings I have and hang on to that damn hope. Hoping that maybe everything will be fine. Fine in a sense that no more tears will be flowing and no more red flags posted on our foreheads. But I know that's now too impossible to happen. Those months were enough for me to realize that we are two different people. I admit, our countless divergences have become the main factor of this chaotic link we have now and everything else just followed.

I should make a choice soon. A choice between to hold on or to simply let go. Should I let go? Indeed, I'm in a dilemma. It's just like I'm letting go of the most precious thing I've always wanted to have. But I know that this will never work out anymore. Sooner or later, there will be no more third-person reference.

Honestly, I don't wanna end up like the others. Hopeless, devastated and desperate. That's why I am taking things slowly. Eventually, I know I'll forget everything about this. Forget. Forgot. Forgotten. I hope it's as easy as it sounds. But sad to say, i know it's not. I've been through this before and here I am now, undergoing the exact same process - trying to forget it.

It's hard, I know. That is why I'm doing something about it. I'm now trying to do things on my own because I don't wanna make things hard for me when the time comes. But I know I'm good at this. Not the forgetting but the trying-to-accept-the-fact that I am mature enough to understand that some things are just not meant for me. I must also accept the fact that aside from our countless differences, we had one similarity and that is 'pride'. We both had extremely high ones of it.

So I guess I have to make a choice now. It's gonna be now or never.

Yes, it will hurt. Sure thing. But being hurt is not something new for me. I know i'll get over this and move on again. Forgetting is a process and so is moving on. I just don't know how long it will take but surely, I'll get there.