Over The Weekend.

Last weekend, I went to Bacolod City. I wanted to do a lot of stuff there but I knew I only had limited time so I made sure to make the most out of my very short visit there and that includes, of course, visiting Les. :-)

On my way to Bacolod, somewhere in Binalbagan, I think. A truck right in front of the car met an accident which caused traffic.

As soon as I step foot at the City of Smiles, I met up with Les at Enting’s. Of course, what’s a visit to Bacolod without eating at Enting’s, right? [Read Food Blog entry here] After having a very heavy lunch there, we then went to Robinson’s (with Les’ friends, Camille and Mac) to eat again. We had ice cream cake, Mexican Munchies and Fries from Taters (NOMNOM), and coffee at Bob’s. 

The four hours I spent with Les and her friends wasn’t enough for us to catch up, but it was good to see her again. 

I am hoping to go back to Bacolod any time soon. I am really fascinated with the City and everything in it, especially the people. ♥

On Happiness.

For a while you think that everything’s perfect, and that there’s nothing more you could ever want. But then you realize that it’s not how things should be. Reality is far from what we imagine. Sweet. Unpredictable. Cruel. You never know what to expect. “Life is like a box of chocolates,” Forrest Gump said. “You never know what you’re gonna get.” But chocolate, like everything else, doesn’t last.

I was so happy that day, laughing by his side. Everything seemed so perfect. It felt so different. So inevitable. For the first time, I truly felt alive, not knowing how the roots underneath were slowly dying. I revel in each moment, oblivious to the nothingness that awaits.

Why is it that each time that I am happy, I seem to pay the price with my tears? Is it because I don’t deserve to be happy? Because I’m simply unworthy? Don’t I deserve such gift like everyone else?

I have long reconciled with the fact that death would be the final payment for the debts that I owe, for the life I’ve lived, and for the memories that make me who I am. But must I take each breath of joy incompletely, knowing that pain’s unrelenting embrace awaits, as I lay shivering at the chill of the knowledge of being unworthy? Nothing is without a price after all. What we think is free has already been paid for by someone else’s tears.

I ask these questions in silence, while drowning in the fact of being alone.

He doesn’t understand. I am but the razor to make him see the truth. And I am afraid that my words might shatter his soul… and the life he gave to me.

To bathe in the glory of happiness and fulfillment, and to be pierced by daggers of ice not long after I’ve tasted the sweetness. We all live in borrowed happiness, each second fleeting, leaving you with an emptiness so full at its wake. I sit here paralyzed and unable to grasp its real meaning, not knowing how to stop hurting myself. Wanting to stay away from you yet having no courage to walk. I need to go… to shield myself from the pain that you are causing. But leaving would mean my death. My life's end. The vows we kept, the promises made, and dreams envisioned shall fade in a blur. No longer living, but not yet dead.

Forever didn’t exist.

Forever was a dream, something one could never grasp.

I would never know whether I was wrong to believe in something so unreal as death lurks in every corner, stalking its prey. The death of life and the death of hope. But with you, I believed in the happiness of living.

I believed in us.

Those fairy tales did have a semblance of reality after all. Only that life’s stories end in many ways. Among the many boxes on the storyboard, the last one always ends up torn.

For fate to bring us together and hate to tear us apart, I could never understand. I had the chocolate in my hands, but somehow along the way, a realization that too much of it can make me feel sick.

“God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."

HNY: 11 Goals for 2011.

Somewhere at the last week of 2010, I said I already gave up on love, life, and luck. But honestly, I would still want to cling to that little hope I have inside me that 2011 is a good year for me. This year, I gave myself a memorandum because if not, I’d still end up as KamilleVersion2010. I know I have been saying this every year but this time, I really mean it. I want to be a better person this 2011.

The reason why my 2010 was effed up is maybe because I didn’t set any goals. Don’t you think? So this year, I’m setting goals for myself just because.

So here are my TO-DOs for 2011:

1. Invest on books. This year, I promised myself that I will feed my brain. In 2010, the only book I finished reading was Jemima J. It’s a novel about ugly ducklings and swans. Nice read, btw. So yeah, this year, I want to expand my brain’s library. I can’t make excuses this time, like “the bookstore is out of my way” blah blah blah, because there’s always eBooks! READ.

2. Go to places. Every year, I make it a point that I get to visit another place – one place, at least. This year, I am hoping to go to more places and discover more amazing cities, provinces, and maybe countries! Yayyy!

3. Get a decent camera. I have been saving for this but every time I have the money to buy one, I end up spending it with other things. But this year, I am really determined to get a camera of my own. I can’t be leeching my Mom’s camera forever, right?

4. Save money. Yeah, so I can do #s 1, 2, and 3. ENOUGH SAID! :)

5. Blog. This year, I will do my best to take blogging seriously. Like more seriously that ever! Maybe be more active in the blogosphere, yeah? And attend blogging events to broaden my knowledge about, of course, blogging. This year, I am hoping I could put up a FOOD BLOG, which is my long-time dream. *fingers crossed*

6. Meet new people. I am hoping I get to meet lots and lots of amazing people this year, especially bloggers. Along with that, I also want to keep the ones that are worth keeping. You know, strengthen the ties and maybe rekindle old bonds? Hihi. It really feels good to be surrounded with friends and nice people so I’m looking forward to more friends this year!

7. Love life. Ok, scratch that. I am not asking for the big L this year because as far as I can remember, I have been anticipating this every year but it doesn’t really come along. As they say, muntik ng mahapit. LOL. Well, if it comes, it comes.

8. Healthy living. By that, I mean, losing weight! Haha. This is the first time I set this thing to a goal. I have always been proud of me being big but this time, I need to lose some pounds. REALLY. Let’s say for health reasons. ;-) So in line with this, I want to eat the healthy way. I really love good food and I know I have the tongue for superb dishes so I don’t know if I can stop myself from diving in. Well maybe the word here is just CONTROL. Agree? Let’s see if I can really hold back on this. I also want to cut down on my alcohol intake. I have always been the defending champion in the inumans because, sad to say, I seldom do not get drunk anymore. Over the years, my dosage for alcohol has hit the highest level, thus my body is now immune to it. FYI: But I’m no alcoholic!

9. Finish school. Yayyy! I know I’m way past my “due date”, that is why I really have to get this done and over with. :-)

10. Get a real job. Right after #9, I need to be independent and get a real job. I can’t be working online forever. I need SSS, PhilHealth, Pag-ibig, etc! LOL. But seriously, I miss how it felt like to be working in the real corporate world. FYI: I was once a call-girl! Hello, thank you for calling!

11. Get a place of my own. If lucky enough, I want to move out from our house. Not that I really want to stay away from my family but how can I be independent if I still live with them, right? I need to practice myself. Regarding #10, who knows, I might be working outside Dumaguete or even outside the Visayas region? That is why I need to experience being independent.

There, there. I have 11 major –major goals to accomplish. 11 goals for 2011. Yebaaah! I hope I will meet all these goals for this year and I’m pretty much excited to see the outcome but I will take it one day at a time. I easily have, more or less, 365 days to accomplish these goals. So let’s get it on!