Leave. Leave. Leave Me Alone.

M left few years back, because he thought someone was being too immature, and so has E. Whatever E's reason was, I didn't bother to ask anymore. People do leave, and it's normal, or so I thought. As they leave and walk away, I try my best to be as stiff as I think I am, because I do not want to embrace the fact that I am left alone. I hate the feeling when my ego is bruised, so as much as possible, I try to fake the feeling. Look up high, and act as if everything is perfect. I have been telling you guys how good I am in hiding emotions. As a matter of fact, people might be surprised to know that I actually have a heart. :|

J left last night.

Isn't it a pattern that I should live with? People leave, then next, I dwell in the melancholic crunch of the moment, then I try to make all the people believe that I am not stirred with what's happening. I am good in pretending, as I've always stressed out. But this time, I know it's different. It's not my ego that's bruised anymore, but this time, it's even more than it.

This time, it isn't a pattern anymore. As I was staring at my room's ceiling last night, thinking on how to do the drama show, I realized that I couldn't be an actress anymore. Pretending isn't healthy for me this time, because it's different. I knew I had to blurt it out, but I never imagined myself breaking down.

I am strong. I repeated that a couple of times so it would sink in to my veins and hopefully, it would reach the chambers of my system. But then I found myself curling up and breaking down. I couldn't believe myself. I never break down. But it feels so different this time. As if I am a neophyte of everything. Then I realize, I should admit it, I got bitten by the bug.