In Memory Of My Friendster Account.

Just a few minutes ago, I decided to open my Friendster account, and to my surprise, a lot has changed! The UI, buttons, apps, etc. I honestly think it has become a low-class version of Facebook. Oooops, no offense meant, but come on. Everyone I know has moved to Facebook because they thought Friendster turned into a jologs pit.

Well the reason why I permanently moved to Facebook is because (1) I got horrified when our helper, out of the blue, added me as a friend in Friendster. I know there's nothing wrong with that but come on. I just don't feel comfortable having her as a 'friend'. (2) I got so annoyed with all those fancy-glittery graphic comments and those mp3-codes widgets. Cause you see, if you wanna leave a comment, then leave something you mean to say. Not for the sake of just leaving something on your friend's page! And (3), Spammers are everywhere! Even if you set your profile to private, they just couldn't stop sending you messages. Ugh those spammerrrsssss!

So yeah, that's the time I told myself to abandon my Friendster. I wanted to delete the entire account but just for memories' sake, I didn't. I've had that account since February of 2004. Lulzzzz!And by the way, the only reason why I opened my FS account today is because I left a 'shout out' saying that I'm already in Facebook and that people should add me there. Oooooops. I think that's a dumb move!

My 2009 Wishlist

Since the Yuletide Season is fast approaching, I want to share my wishlist, just in case you can't decide what to get me for Christmas or my birthday [FYI: December 31].

Domain - preferrably a dotcom please!

Google Wave invite - Come on, who doesn't want one!?

Nikon DSLR D90 - I'd kill to have this monster.

iPod Classic 160G - Yes, I prefer this more than iTouch.

Trip to somewhere - Have a break, have a k*tkat. Lulzzz.

External hard disk - I'm sick and tired of burning my files!

Cellphone with qwerty keypad and WiFi ready - The Nokia 9500 Communicator I was using died on me few months ago. So yeah, I want a new one.

Meet a celebrity crush - Nyahaha. I just couldn't help it.

Get an online job - I need moolah to buy my wants up there. 'Nuff said.

So there. I really don't expect these things to come true, you know. But who knows? o.O

Because Change Is The Only Constant Thing In This World.

Why CHANGE when everything seems so fine and dandy and perfect and swell? Why change when you could not ask for anything more? Why change when you’re so used to what you have? Why change when everyone else is still the same?

Because change is what makes us feel most alive.

I think I have lived a fair part of my almost-21 years with change, not because I strive for it but because it is inevitable, powerful and inescapable.

But change can also start with you, a conscious effort and an initiative.

I’ve made a few major changes in my life these past few days and few minor "adjustments". I know I’ll never be the same person. And I do regret doing most not because they’re bad and unjust but because I would not forgive myself if I allowed those instance to pass. My decisions are not products of hasty discernment, mind you. I have really weighed them and careful thought about all of them. I must admit they are not the best but they are without a doubt the most proper and most fitting and most righteous choices I think I have ever made, or so I thought.

Sadly, I think I have lost close relationships.

I wish tomorrow I wake up with no regrets.

IMPOSSIBLE.

Do you know what hurts the most? Letting go of people who have earned your trust and those you have learned to love only to realize almost too late that you don’t mean as much.

Way way dramatic. I must say, right now I don’t give a damn if I sound like some poor idiot who feels so sorry for herself and so self-pitying. Whatever you may infer from this entry, be my guest.

I just want to take this chance to take a step forward leaving behind things, thoughts and people who make me feel least ALIVE.

Open Letter.

Remember the time I told you that it's going to be okay and that everything will turn out fine?

Well, I was lying.

Forgive me for, maybe, giving you false hints, but that was all I could do. I had to lie, if it meant comforting you and making you feel better. I've been where you are, and God, I know how painful it exactly felt. I know sweet words aren't really enough to at least ease the pain, but it really does help. A bit, though.

You asked me if you had a choice. I told you to either cling to that damn hope of you two getting back together, or just move on with your life and deal with the fact that it's just up to there. You smiled and it was obvious that you opted the first one I suggested. But honestly, you really don't have a choice but to let go. It's bleak, I know, but I guess you just have to deal with reality.

It's really foolish to keep hoping that there's another chance, cause we all know how clear it is that this is really where it's at. I know you are much more willing to take the risk and even if you'd have to take all the shots, I know you'd take them wholeheartedly. Because above all your shortcomings and all else, you want her back. Period.

But she wants time and space for herself. And you can't force that.

Because You Are.

Why’d he have to be so unbreakable?

Sometimes you think he’s slowly letting you in on his life, his secrets, his thoughts, and even the seemingly most "senseless" things he has to say. But predictable he is, he’ll shut you off. Not the tackless, rude, sudden "let’s-not-talk-about-it-anymore type of ‘brush off’" but the polite, almost subtle, and humorous kind which makes it hard for you to be outraged and frustrated.

There is such a thing as personal space anyway. I dare not probe and poke and prod or whatever. So I respect people’s privacy. BUT arrrgghhhh… why can’t I just probe and poke and prod or whatever?

He’s like a rock.

A ROCK.

They’re common but innately unique. They’re solid but you know at one point, they’ll break into pieces. They’re so there, so magnificent, so visible but sometimes unreachable.

A PARADOX. Unfathomable.

He’s unbreakable.

And I’m just standing here. Wishing I were unbreakable too. Wishing most selfishly he’ll break down in the most human, most real, most unarming way possible. He’s human.

But perhaps, I’m not the one to make him realize that he can’t live like the world’s going to hurt him or break him into pieces. That’s his own lesson to learn. Where has he been anyway? The world’s out to get everyone. I want to be the one who’ll make him realize that yes, it’s a big bad world, but trying not to be a part of it isn’t helping. And maybe if he bled a little he’d realize that hurt and pain is part of who are, like the blood that runs through our veins. Goodness! Not making any sense am I?

But there. Mr. Unbreakable, I’m hoping that maybe someday if I’m not too tired of waiting, you’ll get back to me sans those walls of yours.