It’s one of those days. I don't know, but I just feel like everything in this world is ganging up on me. I know I still have a lot of issues to settle and instead of moving my ass right now, here I am, laying down on my bed, blogging. Well, at least I’m somehow trying to be productive, right? And besides, it’s too early yet. Excuses, excuses. I never ran out of them.

The ‘issues’ just kept coming one after the other and I just feel like bursting anytime soon. I must say, this has been the most down point of my life, next to that thing that happened on the summer of 2003. The sad part here is, I have no one to talk to right now. No, let me rephrase that. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it right now. Why? Well maybe because I’m really not that type of a person where I spill everything out. After all I’ve went through, I have proved to myself that people can be very judgmental. Thus, if you don’t want to be judged, then don’t just blab to everyone about everything. People really don’t care about it or worse, they’d even be happy that you’re having an effed up life. 

I have been judged and misjudged several times and up to this very day, they keep haunting the crap out of me. Every time I think about those moments, I still can’t imagine how I was able to handle it. But the important thing is that I was able to shrug it off and move on. I mean, what else is there to do but to keep the past behind and just wish those mothersuckers karma. Bad karma to them, please. 

So going back, I just wish I have someone to talk to right now. Maybe a friend who wouldn’t say something like “It’s your fault” or some sort. You see, that is also the reason why I really don’t open up to friends or even family because everything that comes out of their mouth are words that I don’t want to hear. I feel awful for crying out loud, you guys don’t have to squeeze some lime to the open wound. I just want to hear the things I want to hear because yes, I am a stubborn child of God for Christ’s sake. 

As of this moment, there is a folder, hidden somewhere, that contains 27 write-ups of unexpressed and unsaid feelings. At least, writing them keeps me sane. 

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