Oh Well.

It was 2001 when I met my bud’s older brother, Ton. I was 15 then, he was 19. An unnoticeable high school girl having some crush with a campus crush college dude. I was like reaching for the stars.

But fate was kind to me. We eventually became friends as well and constant textmates. He was giving me advices and all that, but I thought he was lame because he was treating me like a younger sister. But who was I to complain? Having my name and number stored in his phone's contacts was more than even enough! He was my dream boy…

Until he became my boyfriend on October 21, 2002.

The next four months weren’t easy at all. I had to deal with all the girls that would follow him wherever he went, the girls that would text and call him all the time. I had to deal with him being in college and I, still in high school. I had to deal with his crazy schedule and never-ending studyouts with other girls.

He had to deal with my immaturity.

On February 18, 2003, we finally took time apart. It was my immaturity, according to him, that brought us to that situation. I didn’t ask him to stay longer anymore, because he wanted space and time alone and I can not force that.

He broke my fragile heart.

I wouldn’t deny that I was bitter with him. I can’t imagine how easy it was for him to move on, how he was able to just smile and just laugh it off every time someone would pop the “WHY?” question regarding the break up. It was too casual for him, and there I was, about to take a quick escape from the world because I was hurt too much.

But we remained good friends.

Because I had no choice. We belong in one circle. He’s my friend’s brother, my friends’ friend, my boyfriend. Meaning, I get to see him on parties, I get to hang out with him, I get to text him, I get to hug and kiss him and tell him how much I still love him. I’m not quite sure if it was a help for my recovery but I was pretty sure with one thing — that I am happy I still get to see and talk to him whenever I want to.

Fast forward to today, June 9, 2010. I am blogging this because I can’t deny the fact that I still have feelings for him and that I would trade everything I have just to have him back. It’s been seven long years since we’ve broken up, and in those years, I never doubted my feelings for him. I never doubted that it’s still him that I want.

It’s absolutely crazy, I know, but there’s this inch of me that’s been hoping that we’d get back together, maybe not now, but hopefully soon. You know that feeling that even at the end of the day, it's still him you think about, you care about. That when you're alone, all you think is him, what he's doing, where he is. That when you see him with someone else, you stare at them and imagine it was you who he's with. That when you remember happy thoughts with him, you ask yourself "What if it's still us?". That after a failed relationship, it's still him you want to have back, and not whoever.

That all you ever want to write in your Christmas wishlist is his name.

Oh well, this feeling brings me back when I was still in high school. Back when he was just a crush and I was someone reaching for the stars. A big shiny star. :)

OMG. Seven longfnckingcrap years? Seriously now?