I want to do a lot of things, and I know I have all the time in the world to do them. But the problem is, sometimes, some things aren't just for me. Thus, it would make me feel deprived from something I really want. But funny as it may sound, but sometimes, it's myself who tend to deprive things that I want and like. I don't know how it works, but that's what I've come to realize these past few days. I pull down my own self, and yet I still blame other things for it. More often than not, opportunities are already right under my nose, and yet I 'pretend' I didn't see them coming.

But this time, I'm not going to let anything nor anyone stop me from doing what I want and need to do.

I don't want to go to sleep thinking what it could've been. So I better take this shot now, or never. It's going to be for me, because this is what I want.

September 06, 2008 is to die for. I'd die if I won't make it. PRAMIS!

Just Imagine.

I can not take this anymore. I held back, only because I never wanted to cross the line. But this is enough. If I lose everything after speaking and standing up for myself, then so be it. It may be painful expressing this, but it has been very painful ever since. I just have to do this for myself, of course, because I am not happy with what's happening anymore. I have kept my silence, only because I thought it will still be fixed. But situations like this has to come to an end, right?

I have always been fair, God knows that. All I wanted is to have people in my life who will treat me right, and fair as well. It saddens me because all I want is a simple life, and it's so hard for me to have one.

Once and for all, I am going to take this issue against you.

And oh, by the way, thank you for bursting my bubble.

It's Never Enough.

Happy Fiesta, Tanjay!
Here we come!

Thanks *friends*, for making it more fun!

I'm never trading you guys for anything else. =)

It's morphing time!

Shift Key.

Let's make our lives easy.

If you're done with step 1, proceed to step 4.


So maybe some of you are wondering why I'm contented with 2-4 lines of entry lately.

And yeah, that is the reason why I don't have time to write long posts.

As I enter in this new venture, I am very excited and scared as well.
Scared, because it might not give me the chance to write anymore. Ever.

But nonetheless, wish us luck! Thank you!

By the way, it's just lately that I realized that compressing everything you want to write in just 2-4 sentences is the hardest thing in writing.

Will I?

Let's flip a coin. Heads, I won't let go. Tails, let's flip the coin again.


Off The Trail.

What Happens In Vegas made me want to watch One More Chance again.

I don't see the point neither, but I'm downloading OMC right now.

Yeah, how pathetic.

What the hell has happened to me?!

Let's See From Up Above.

Is ditching the fad lately?

I do not understand why some of my so-called 'friends' are acting so weird lately. First, he made me believe in things that aren't happening, made up something which he thought I'd never find out what's real and what's not in his made-up story. Second, she made up an act. Pretended to be bored and 'wanted' to go out with me, but only to find out, she's in some place with her TH friends. The next morning, she told me she left her phone blah blah blah. Whatever. Her excuse sounded so lame.

I will not fight back, or do a revenge because I wasn't taught to be like that. I will not step down to their level because I find it so degrading. I may let this incident pass, but I will never forget this.

Friends? I guess I have to ask Mr. Webster it's real meaning.

So maybe you think you can outsmart me? Try me.

Try This And That.

Drown me.

I'm so tired of wanting to have a life I know I'll never have.

Lost. Loser.

I wish I were a robot - can not feel anything, has no emotions, tough. But on second thought, I don't want someone to manipulate me.

Where am I to go?


The world is too small for us, I realized.

Of all the people I might possibly see today, why you? Seeing you again after everything gave me goosebumps, for real. The feeling was unexplainable, not that it felt great, but it was some sort of mixed emotions, because I never wanted to see you ever again, honestly. I need not elaborate on details, but I just wish I could.

I swore to God that if I'd see you again, I'll break your face for being such an asshole. Looks like I have to take that back.

And so now, I just feel that I have a lot of things inside that I should cry about.


Today is fine, better than yesterday not to mention. IP ended before 3, as usual, but I never made my program run because I can't complete the trappings. Great, the deadline is moved to Friday. Hopefully, Jupo is going to help me by making a sample program, or maybe, provide me an example. Whichever, it will be a great help, for sure.

EscaƱo wasn't so great today. As early as 3PM, I wouldn't even expect a lot of people there. I wouldn't even expect the Tambayan to be open. So okay, change venue.

We wanted to give ourselves a treat of balots, but again, it was too early. So we strolled along the boulevard and tried the Burger stall right across. My cheeseburger with egg was okay, not something great though. The taste justified it's price, P27. Not so busog but okay, change venue.

Wynne had a soccer practice at 5PM. We stayed at the ballfield untill 6 maybe? And to our surprise, SUMC, which was right across, was burning. The city firetruck came to the rescue, then the Filipino-Chinese firetruck followed seconds after, and as always, the SU firetruck was the last one to arrive. It arrived just after the fire was put off by the two firetrucks that arrived first. But the fire wasn't that big though, but still. Strike two, SU firetruck.

Off to Foodnet. Then home. Called it a day.

So my day may not be exciting, but who cares? I do.

I need something to excite me aside from the news I heard that Bobby's courting Cole.

Okay I lied, it didn't make me feel excited.

I need a life. I miss my life. I miss the life I had.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Christopher John Alandy Dy Tiu! More to come, Chris. =) Can't wait to see you soon!

Wake Up.

Keep yourself intact, cause I won't be coming back. ='(

Kiss The Goat.

Now, tell me how it felt like.

I hope I made you feel like a stupid ass hanging around with people who acted as if you never existed. From this point forward, allow me to make you feel how it's like to be taken for granted. It's your turn to wear my shoes, and please, don't return it. Forgive me, but my evil side is telling me that it's time for me to get even with you. But on second thought, is it really my evil side? Whatever. For the last time, you should know by now that I could've made you stay in the chambers of my system for... forever. Back at ya, ***.

But... as if you would care.

Go On And Take A Bow.

If love were like the ones in books and movies, then maybe I'd have a hard time believing that it does really exist.

The Show Is Over.

I feel bad right now. Not that I'm affected, but yeah, I am. Fridays at Minimik isn't doing me any good. I start to have myself connected with all the local bands, and I'm just scared I might be addicted and have this as a habit. After tonight's rocking show, after all the lights went off, after two grands with George, after two hundred sticks of isaw, I still feel that my night is not complete simply because I feel in my heart that Loungefly owes me a "Firefly".

Okay, so maybe I'm over-acting, but yeah, maybe I am. Having to sacrifice my all-time favorite, which is sleeping by the way, just to go to an overrated place [according to Daryl] and find out that the reason why I went there is not playing anymore because of the 'time-limit', is just the lamest thing ever. I wouldn't blame Jan at all, because I know it isn't his fault that the clock seemed to run so fast tonight. It was fate who played the game tonight. I wanted a "Firefly", but destiny didn't want me to hear that song just yet. The other Friday that I went to Minimik, Loungefly wasn't able to play my "Firefly" either. See? It's way too obvious that it really isn't time for me to hear "Firefly" live.

Okay, now you're thinking I'm over-acting. If only I could elaborate here why I need to hear "Firefly" live, then maybe you guys would understand why I am reacting this way. But I can't, because it's too personal, I couldn't even blog about it. Soon, maybe, but definitely not now. Let's just say that I replaced the rain with "Firefly". I hope you get what I mean.

But still, I heart Lougefly's songs, inspite of VP's attitude. Way to go guys! Just cut out the negative energy. Okay, far-out.

Learn From It.

Even if it's too late to write, I still will because my new header deserves a post!

It's way past my bedtime and I can not sleep. This is probably what I get after what happened early this evening. I find myself bothered because someone told me I've changed. I do not know if he meant for the better or for the worse, but with the tone of his voice, it's as if I've transformed into a monster. I haven't explained my side of the story yet, so let this post be my reply. This one's for you.

As much as I want to stay quiet about it, something is telling me to stand up and speak my mind. I can not allow this 'issue' to get bigger.

A smooth-sailing conversation, later led to an argument simply because you don't like my circle of friends. That issue isn't new to me anymore. We have talked about this a million times - over coffee, beer, or cards, and you never understood every single explanation. I am tired of tackling this issue over and over again. This will be the last, because you'll never understand anyway.

Has it ever crossed your mind that I, too, do not like your friends? You see, there are some things that we'd rather keep to ourselves because, one way or another, someone might get hurt. But since what you're doing isn't funny anymore, then let's spice it up!

I will not talk about you're friends because I have nothing against them, I simply just don't like them. Period.

Regarding my friends, they're few of the people I'd die for. Telling me to stay away from them is like telling me to stay away from my own life. Now tell me how that can be possible, please?! They were there for me when I was overjoyed, and they never left me when I was in the deepest part of my life. They make me feel so important and special, and for me who feels unloved, that is just the most wonderful thing a friend could make me feel.

I believe that they were never, and will never be, a bad influence on me. If I've done things that would might question my ethics and morals, then let me be responsible for it. No one has over-pushed me to do things I didn't want to do. My friends has always the initiative to listen to one's opinion first before anything else.

So what's with my friends that I just can't simply step out of their lives? This is because my life is too dull and boring, hence I turn to others for what's missing in mine. Isn't that great to have friends by your side when you have something to air out, when you have nothing to say, or when you do not want to talk? Their presence are enough to make me feel that I am listened to. It's as simple as that.

So where is this leading to? Hopefully, this will make you realize that my friends has nothing to do with the decision I've made, and will be making, in my life. I do what I want to do. I get what I want to have. And I know I am mature enough to be responsible of every act I will make, and have made.

I haven't changed, neither have the world.

Reality check? YOU DID.

Calling All Humans: Please Return To Planet Earth.

Is it just me or am I really acting weird lately?

What the hell happened to me? Where is the "bubbly" side of me? The "go-with-the-flow" girl that everyone knew? The person who tells her friends to think before speaking. The careless free-soul who was loved by everyone?

This started last night. I was texting with a friend and after some 'sarcastic' replies, he said: "Where are you?". Then I, not being aware how sarcastic I was, replied to him: "Here. Ikaw? I bet you're there." Tss. See how lame I was?! Then he replied: "Whatever happened to you, let me tell you that you're transformation didn't do you any good. You were cool, and now you're pushing everyone away from you."

Okay. That hit me hard. Bullseye! Am I really pushing everyone away from me? Siguro nga, I am pushing them away from me unconciously. But don't you think I'm pushing myself away from them instead? Has it ever crossed your mind that it's me myself who's setting the gap, or something? Okay, so maybe not.

Before I went to sleep last night, there were a lot of scenes from the past weeks that came rushing through my mind. Lately, my friends would often tell me "Others na man gud ka..". Then I remembered Mark texting me "Ikaw pa ni Kaams? Murag lain na man akong ka-text.". Then there was this time Chris told me "Huy, na-unsa na man ka? Far-out na kaayo ka". Then on that same conversation with Chris, Pao interrupted, "Bitaw. Hello?! Are we even living on the same planet?".

And just yesterday, I was already in school for Nessa's [Miss Silliman] photoshoot, stayed for a while then I went outside the campus. I saw Yana and told her that I'll just buy load at the store across the CC, but I never went back. I rode a cab and my destination was nowhere. I didn't know where exactly to go, but I'm pretty sure I didn't want to stay for the photoshoot. See how lame and pathetic I am?!

This morning, we had the Physics Olympics at a beach house in Bacong. We were grouped in threes and luckily, my groupmates were people I know. One was a good friend, Leon, then the other was an IT major - a shiftee, so I do not really know him that much. We were under the 'bridge-building' category, so obviously, we made a 'bridge' out of the sand. At 10:30 in the morning, the sun was extremely hot! But sige, we had to do it because if we won't, we won't be earning points which is the main reason for the Physics Olympics. I tried my best to cooperate at first but, gah! I started to move at the shady part and found myself telling my groupmates to do this and that without even helping them making hukay the sand. I know I'm lazy but I'm not like that before. I am very competitive and I always give my best in competitions, but I was a total jerk this morning. I think my groupmates were kinda pissed off with me, but they were too kind not to show that to me. Sorry guys, it won't happen again. Promise. I'll personally apologize and explain tomorrow.

So maybe I'm 'lost' right now. Is this what you call 'personality crisis', or is there such thing?

Come on. I miss being me. Period.


I'm a bit excited about the Physics Olypmics this coming Sunday. Haha. I'm joining the other section because I'm kinda 'lost' in my section. I already had a talk with my teacher and she's cool about me joining the other section. As a matter of fact, she asked me if I wanted to transfer to the other section because she didn't want me to be uncomfortable in our class. I said it's too kind of her to consider that but I can't because the other section's class schedule is TTh 7AM-10AM [same teacher], and obviously, I can't wake up! Haha. And another reason why I want to join the other section's Physics Olympics is because I know everyone from that section. In short, I wont get 'lost', and hopefully, I'll have a great time. =)

By the way..

Did you know that wonderful things come in brown boxes with these specs?

Intel Core 2 Duo T5450
Intel 945 PM chipset
DVDRW multi drive
13.3" wide XGA glare TFT LCD
1.3 MP camera
ATI mobility radeon X1300 shared up to 256MB
160GB SATA mobile
Wifi ready
3 USB 2.0, Mini1394, Firewire
Mic-in, Express card slot, VGA port
Touch pad synaptics
6-cell Lithium Ion battery
Genuine MS Vista

..and you receive them when you least expect it. (-_-)

Why Not.

After a quite long hiatus, I'm finally back to the blogging world. Haha.

Obviously, I got rid off my "eggplant"-colored lay-out, and now I'm back with a new lay-out I got from blogskins. Tweaked some codes and boom! This is it. If you have noticed, you can not see any chatbox here on my page anymore. I decided to just link my cbox because I made my sidebar really small and it won't fit. So guys, please leave me I some love and click the link of my cbox. You may find the link somewhere in the side bar. There oh!

Hmmm. Updates!

Uhm. Well, one thing is for sure. School's a bitch! And that's the reason why I wasn't able to blog for the past weeks. But it's all cool, it's good. It's just that it has been very demanding lately. Haha. Anyway, t'was our acquaintance party last Saturday, and I tell you, it was the bomb, inspite of EVERYTHING. Haha. We all had a great time, I think. Well maybe except for SOME. Hopefully I can post pictures next time I update.

Ugh. I have to go na!

Smell yah soon!

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