Hiatus Leave.

Is there such thing?

Anyway, I promised myself not to blog this week. I have a lot of responsibilities to do, a million things to work on, and a gazillion errands too. But here I am, typing. Believe it or not, I unconsciously opened my site, and found myself clicking the "Create New Post" button. Then I realized that I can not put aside the 'blogger side' in me. This is who I am. Blogging is a part of me.

With everything I am going through right now, I know I deserve a BREAK. If 'break' means 'blogging' then why not give it a shot? Tss. I just broke the promise I made to myself, but this is the only way I know to air myself out. Everybody hears me, but NO ONE listens to me. It's hard to convince everyone that I have feelings too. That I can be hurt too. Tss. I hate myself for being an expert when it comes to hiding real emotions.

My blogs are my best friends. They know each and every single crap I'm feeling at that very moment. It's a good thing I have blogs to pour my emotions to, but I am a human. I need someone to converse with. I need real people to give me advises and to tell me whether I am right or wrong, because all this time, I am doing what I THINK is right for me.

Today, I have made the most stupid decision, because I thought it's the right thing to do. Instead of attending J's graduation, I opted not to, even though my heart is telling me that I should go. J is expecting me to be there. He wants me to see him walk across the stage, receive his diploma, and listen to his speech. He has been very excited for this day to come and finally, today is the day that he has been waiting for. His four years in college is now finally paying off all the efforts he made. This is his moment, I must say. And here I am, trying to spoil it. Someone will not be talking to me anymore if I won't go. Sure thing.

I have 30 more minutes to change my decision. I can still make it to the ceremony if I'll leave this house in 30 minutes.


Decide!

Thinking.

Deciding.

Decided.


Bahala na. Come what may.