I'm No Superstar.

I wouldn't deny the fact that I am often compared to someone else. That I am often known as the "the grandchild of..", "the daughter of..", "the cousin of..", "the niece of..", and worse: "the friend of..". I couldn't blame them. I am no superstar.

Searching for an 'identity' is like hell to me. Mom, and everyone else, wanted me to take up N before, but I told her that N isn't really my thing, and because I didn't want to give everyone the chance to compare me with my cousin who was a consistent honor student in N. Though I wanted to give N a try, I just did not because I didn't want to take the risk.

I remember before, everyone was telling me to try out sports because I didn't have one. So I tried S, B, and T that time, but I got more interested on T. I'm not good at it, but I know the basics. But I felt pressured because my other cousin was a regional T player. So I stopped because I didn't want to be compared to her skills. I just thought, maybe T isn't for me.

During family reunions, more often than not, I would always be addressed as the "granddaughter of.." or "the daughter of..". Far relatives do not know my first name, sad to say. And worse, they wouldn't even bother to ask me, or even talk to me. I bet they couldn't find any interesting spark in me, maybe that's why they do not bother to know me better. And so do I, because I know there's nothing special about me and I do not want them to compare me to others. But in the end, I still get compared to them because they made friends with other relatives and I didn't.

I didn't know where to put myself. My insecurities were eating me up and I wasn't able handle them well, that's why maybe I'm like this. I know I can never be categorized as the best, but I'm pretty sure I do not belong to the losers' zone. I am somewhere in the middle. Or so I thought?

I took up IT because I thought it's something different. It's something that my family isn't an expert of. I want to be different from them. I want to have my own identity. I know I haven't achieved anything yet, but at least, I am trying to find the right craft that I would excel in.

I'm still waiting for the right moment for me to proudly sing David Cook's "The Time Of My Life". Haha.

"And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life"

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